Tuesday, December 28

Favorite Games of 2010

    Rarely will you find a top 10 list that you fully agree with. Why? Because every top 10 list for movies, games, and anything in the entertainment industry is based on opinion. Rather than saying something like "Call of Duty: Black Ops is the greatest video-game to ever grace the face of the earth," I'm going to list my favorite 11 games of the year - and COD:BO isn't one of them. Before I get started, I have to add that several action-adventure games made the list, and I've never really been a fan of the genre. I guess there were just a boatload of great action titles this year. Also, I haven't yet played Red Dead Redemption, so it won't be appearing on this list. Anyway, let's start with number 11.

11      Red Steel 2 (Wii) – The first Red Steel sucked, so how could its sequel be any good? Well, by ignoring pretty much everything about the first game. Red Steel 2 is a strange yet brilliant combination of the Wild West, Samurai Japan, and sci-fi. It’s an open world game in the same basic style that Borderlands is, although more simplified. I never really finished it, but it’s the perfect game to play every now and then if you feel like slicing up ninjas before shooting them in the face with a classic revolver. Oh yeah, the game makes good use of the Wii Motion Plus too. I strongly recommend you try it out for your Wii if you haven't yet, but skip out on the first.

10      No More Heroes 2 (Wii) – First of all, do not show this game to young children, please. It’s over the top gory, it’s full of colorful language, it has completely pointless partial nudity from both sexes (always covered up with rolls of toilet paper or similar things,) and it’s quite violent. Of course that’s what makes this game so awesome. You play as Travis Touchdown, an assassin whose trying to become the number 1 assassin…again. Don’t ask, the story cannot be taken seriously, but that’s the whole point. Loaded with self-referencing jokes, parodies, and bizarrely entertaining mini-games, No More Heroes 2 has it all. The further you get into the game, the more insanely awesome everything gets. It also makes good use of the Wiimote’s motion control in a subtle way. In other words, this game is full of win. Again, I never finished it, but that's because I enjoy it the same way I enjoy Red Steel 2 - a little bit at a time.

Friday, December 24

Movie Review - Santa Clause Conquers the Martians

    What better way to get in the Christmas spirit than to watch a sci-fi movie about Santa Clause killing aliens? Well, this movie has nothing to do with that. Santa Clause Conquers the Martians was released in 1964 making it the second oldest movie I've reviewed on this blog (the oldest being Plan 9 from Outer Space.) It's about Santa being kidnapped by Martians to bring joy to their joyless children.

(If I had to wear an outfit like that, I'd be joyless too)

    The movie's pretty silly, but if you're in the right mood it can be entertaining. It's both intentionally and unintentionally funny, which is a first for this blog. There are several unintentionally disturbing scenes, but they aren't that bad and pass by quickly. For me it was a nice break from some of the painful movies I've been watching lately, but it's hard to recommend. Still, it could be worth checking out for general audiences since it still contains the charm that many Christmas classics share. With that, lets get started.

Monday, December 20

Why Santa Clause is Evil

The truth must be known, the people must be warned; Santa Clause wants to take over the world. Don't be fooled by all those nice stories about him, don't let all those nice songs about him convince you otherwise. Santa Clause is evil. I have witnessed his despicable ways with my own eyes and barely escaped his elf hit-squads. To prove this shocking truth, I will list a number of reasons why he is evil - like I did with trees and Super Mario.

10. Santa Clause is a pedophile. He spies on children from his high-tech base hidden deep under the ice at the north pole. He has the largest satellite network known to man and he uses them to watch everyone, including you. How else does he know when you're sleeping and when you're awake? Heck, he probably even has the technology to see you in your nightmares. The next point only adds to this.

9. Santa Clause tries to lure children into his worldwide cult with presents and cute movies. It's true, he gives all these presents out in order so that people will believe in him and his magic. His hope is to lure the children in so that they grow up believing in him, and thus creating the largest religion on earth. This is part of his plan to take over the world.

8. He enslaves people and calls them elves. The story generally goes that he has workshops filled with elves happily building toys for kids. However, the truth is one of the most horrifying examples of forced slavery in all of history. He enslaves children and little people, forcing them to make toys nonstop with barely enough food to survive. This also keeps them small. In order to convince investigators that these are elves, they are forced to undergo ear alteration surgery and sing songs constantly. This causes them to lose their minds, and that is why they appear to be happy; they're all completely insane due to the constant trauma. Many of these little people are newcomers to his worldwide cult.

Thursday, December 16

Donkey Kong Country Returns video review

I made this review for my Broadcast Technology class, although this is a slightly longer version than the one I handed in.

Wednesday, December 15

Movie Review - The Core

     This review will be a bit different than usual. Why? Because the movie I'm watching is just OK. It's not a good or a bad film. So why am I reviewing "The Core", a mediocre film from 2003 on a blog where I usually make fun of terrible ones? Because the science is hilariously stupid. No seriously, this movie is more scientifically inaccurate than Plan 9 From Outer Space's atmospheric conditions in space. But before I get into that, let's talk about the plot.

    Basically the core of the earth has stopped spinning and a team of scientists are trying to jump start the core with nuclear bombs by drilling into the core before it's too late. Yup, that's the plot. Sounds implausible? That's because it is. As a movie though, it's really just a big disaster movie. There's nothing special about it, no hilariously bad acting, cliche characters and scenes, and no real dramatic weight. The soundtrack tries to sound epic, but it only serves to distract from what's going on and remind you that this is just one big dumb action movie.

Tuesday, December 7

Game Review - Turning Point: Fall of Liberty

    What is this? Another WW2 shooter? Haven't we had enough of this already? I've talked about this before with Hour of Victory, so why would I even want to touch another WW2 game? Well, this one's actually different. The premise is a unique twist that came way too late for it's own good considering how tired we are of WW2 games. Today I'm reviewing Turning Point: Fall of Liberty, released for the Xbox 360 and the PC by Codemasters back in 2006. It's probably worth noting that this game also has a limited steelback edition with a bonus disk - ohh fancy, except countless games do that these days. We're being overflooded with pointless limited editions almost as much as we are music games and Tony Hawk titles.

    Turning Point's plot is simple - We lost the war in Europe and now the Nazis are invading the United States. Alternate reality games have been done before, and sometimes they're really good like Just Cause 2. The game has virtually no story, but who cares when New York's being invaded by war zeppelins and paratroopers. As long as the graphics, sound design and gameplay are good, it's fine right?

    Ah yes the graphics. These pics show the breathtaking artwork behind this game.

    These are trailer pics, but it's not like anyone's falsely stated that their game will look as good as the trailers right? Oh, and while we're at that. Anyway, Turning point doesn't look that good, in fact it's nowhere close. Turning Point looks like a cheap PS2 game that happens to have high definition - no joke.

Monday, December 6

The bat and the dog

Remember the bat in the hat?
The scat loving Matt and his rat?
Well after a break Matt is now back,
And his friend the dog from the bog.

There once was a dog from a bog,
He lived in a log, that poor dog.
What kind of a dog lives in bogs?
The name of that dog was just...dog.

The dog from the bog had a hog,
The hog disliked Matt, that drat bat.
Matt the bat's drat cat and his rat
wanted to eat dog's little hog.

As a result, Matt in the hat
sent his stupid cat to his mat.
He then fed his rat to the cat,
And said "Good news Dog, I saved hog!"

Matt the bat ate scat from his vat.
Dog the dog ate frogs from his bog.
Dog often gave Matt a nice pat.
Then Matt and the dog would play pogs.

One day the bat Matt felt so fat,
So dog made the bat a new hat.
The next day, the bog had some smog,
So Matt gave the dog a new log.

Since then, they've been Matt and friend dog
One lives in a bog that has smog
Matt doesn't care though, Matt is a bat.
this poem is stupid, I'm going to work on my next review now.
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